God’s Eye View when life kicks the sh*t out of you

I read Facebook posts from my friends, including lots of nurses and see a lot of stress, anxiety, pain and suffering.

I call this SAPS- in our YogaNursing model of care, cuz it plain saps the life force out of you.

Had a long phone convo with my brilliant nurse buddy and best selling author Carol Gino, author of the much loved and controversial book- The Nurses Story. She read this to me over the phone and I asked her if I could share this with you. Carol generously said yes.

It blew my mind and touched my heart and soul, hope it touches you too… including a soft touch from the VELVETEEN RABBIT


by Carol Gino

I woke up this morning with a “God’s Eye View of me.”

I slipped into awakening with the “thought” first, and then the “feeling,” that I love being me!

Of course that led me to ask, “Well, what’s so great about being you? I mean what part of my life was I feeling grateful for? And there it was! Every part of being me, all the minutes of the life I’ve lived- all the laughter and all the tears. I’ve done time and my life sentence will end not with a period but with an exclamation point.

I love my curiosity, my intelligence, my passion for the things I believe in.

I love my emotional fearlessness, my courage and even my cowardice of all things physical. I love that I have, and have managed to keep, the forgiving heart of a child even in the face of life’s brutality–for it certainly kicked the shit out of me. I marvel that I can truly love in the face of love’s insanity and my own understanding.

I am grateful for the times I was selfish because I have lusted and indulged myself in the pleasure of excess which felt like just enough for me.

I find it awe inspiring that with all my wisdom, and I’ve acquired a good amount, that I still feel humbled by the mystery, and still believe in miracles.

Not a minute goes by that I am not aware that something greater than myself has given me the grace and good fortune to have lived a truly human life with all its foibles.

I’ve been wrong more times than even I can imagine- and I’ve got a better than good imagination-and in my mistakes, I’ve learned more than anyone else can imagine.

The good news is that I really haven’t ever held it against God anymore than He/She has held the way I’ve lived my life against me! We’ve learned from each other…

The truth is that I’ve survived this long because of Grace. Grace I did nothing special to deserve, and which I try to model each day I’m able to with all those around me by paying it forward.

A small addendum: I love being old, ancient, getting wise but I don’t love that I can’t see as well as I could when I was younger though seeing less clearly makes one much less judgmental. Hearing not as sharply is also a help cause hypervigilance wore me out and frayed my nerves–I’m not nearly as nervous now. I would like it better if I never was in pain but I have survived a couple of broken marriages, a couple of kids who can without even trying break my heart, the death of a grandchild which almost did me in and the gift of other grandchildren which saved my life! To say nothing of the good fortune of living past lung cancer, totaling a couple of cars, and running into a masked-burglar in the middle of the night.

It would be absolutely true to say that my life was/is bigger than anything I ever dreamed and therein lies my feeling of success.
Nursing was no small part of that, for it helped humble me and keep me grateful–and it smoothed out some of my sharp edges.
And for the gift of all my friends and their love and loyalty, I am even more grateful for they and my family sustained me more than any food or water.

I love that after all my broken hearts I can still trust enough to keep loving for that I know is the Heart of God that reaches out to touch my own and keeps it beating.

I love being me because I have fought dragons and even when I didn’t win, Fate called a tie for in each dragons eye I saw my own reflection.
I’ve changed since I was young but not lost anything real. I’m softer now, but that’s ok, because like the Velveteen rabbit I’ve been worn out by love. So, that’s why I woke up this morning really loving being me. Because I’ve faced Life on Life’s terms and Life accepted me on mine. Today is a great day to be alive!


Visit her at http://hopefulhealer.com/nurses-were-heros/

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